Recovering Grumbler

Hi, my name is Robyn and I am a Grumbler. I am really skilled at grumbling about anything and everything that isn't going exactly the way I expect. What I'm even better at is surrounding myself with people who will grumble with me!

Growing up, I always got good grades in school without really trying. This continued into adulthood - succeeding in work, receiving promotions and even winning awards. However, the more success, the more I expected others to step up with the same qualities that I felt I possessed. I expected - no, required - others to perform with the same level of excellence (whether or not I truly lived up to that "excellence" is a topic for another date...and likely therapy). When others didn't meet my expectations, I complained.

The higher the lack of discipline, integrity, work ethic,  or skill - or even knowledge on how to fill the copy machine with paper (you know what I'm talking about - the person who always leaves it empty, then you go to make a copy of something that your boss needs urgently, and all of the trays on the blasted million dollar copy machine are empty) - the more annoyed I became.

Even worse - I employed others to join my grumbling cause. Not their fault - it was mine. I didn't just mutter my discontent, I shouted from the rooftops - "So-and-so never fills the copier; it's time that they learned a lesson.  Who's with me?"

Then, I recalled this:

  'Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life. And then I will be able to boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor in vain.' Philippians 2:14-16 NIV

Oops. There's an eye-opener; a clear reminder. Isn't it just like God to hit us upside the head with His Word? Change is necessary!

As I began focusing on God's truths, what He wants for me, and how better to serve His Kingdom, I became more content. With less complaining, those around me changed as well. I am now surrounded by people who lift me up and are willing to slap me back down when ugliness spews from my mouth. My expectations of others has morphed to that of acceptance, and my circle of influence has become one filled with grace and mercy.

...Hi. My name is Robyn, and I am a Recovering Grumbler....

I will shout from the roof tops that, while I am still a sinner, my God is merciful through Jesus Christ! Now who's with me?

As for that person without paper-filling, jam-clearing copier skills...I now just shake my head and laugh as I "joyfully" add paper to the million dollar copier (for a million dollars, shouldn't the thing fill itself anyway?).

Heads or Tails

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." (Philippians 4:8 NIV)

This verse makes me smile - to think about and praise God for all His gifts. A reminder to focus on the good things that He has provided - look through the clouds and see the sun.

While this scripture is clear on its face (let's call it "heads"), it also has another message. While God wants me to focus on what is excellent and praiseworthy, He is reminding me there are two sides to this "excellence and praiseworthy" coin. 

The other side, the "tails" side of the coin, contains those things that are NOT true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, NOT excellent or praiseworthy.

In the church I attend, we say that "Excellence honors God and inspires people." The staff and volunteers strive for excellence - they push for what is good, and correct what is not.

As a Christ follower, I have asked the God of all creation to dwell within my heart through His son Jesus Christ.  Since Jesus Christ himself was the true definition of Excellence, then how can anything contrary be my focus? Since my heart is now full, there is no room for that which is not excellent or praiseworthy.  

Each day, I choose to look through the clouds and see the sun, I will focus on what is pure and lovely, not that which is unpure or ugly. As I navigate life's numerous coin tosses, I will always choose Heads.

Princess Warrior

While working on the curriculum for Circle of Sisters and Princess Warriors, I feel lead to give you a tidbit of what God is putting together.

Women - We weren't necessarily ever taught to fight - we were taught to love. To the world, this is often perceived as being submissive, as giving in to emotions and not standing up for what's right, as being weak.

However, the truth is that we are given the GIFT of Love. We have the SKILL to turn the other cheek, and we have the ABILITY to allow the men in our lives to be Warriors while we stand in support. These are all God's gifts to women.

None of this strips us of the DUTY to fight! Let me repeat that - none of these gifts strips us of the DUTY to fight for what's right!

And God has given us the weapons with which to fight:

Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Ephesians 6:12-17

Ladies - let's put on our armor, lay down the perceptions of weakness and join the fight. Yes, we are called to support our Warriors...and we, as well, are called to be Princess Warriors for the Kingdom of the one, true, living God!

Interested in learning more? Join either Circle of Sisters on Tuesday evenings beginning February 25th, or Princess Warriors on Thursday evenings beginning February 27th. Feel free to email me at princesswarriors@att.net for more information.

Varying Shades of Blue

Lately I've been quite "blue." I use "blue" because I do not like the word "depressed." Society has told me that depression is ugly and not acceptable. So, I choose the word "blue" instead - it has a bit of whimsy while still stating my general emotional state. 

I've faced some crazy health challenges. On the outside (other than bags under my eyes, a few extra pounds, a slower-than-normal walk and an affinity towards sweat pants for comfort), I appear fine. According to the world, normal. But inside, I carry around a bit of a surprise - auto-immune disorders that affect the way my body feels and reacts, as well as the mind games that result in a state of blueness.

How I appear on the outside and feel on the inside are not compatible. Since my outward appearance is one of a fairly typical mid-western mom fast (too fast) approaching 50, I believe there are certain societal expectations. Work hard, play hard - no limits - Just Do It - expectations that I have strived desperately to meet over the years, but are not currently within my grasp. And so, the ever-lovin' mind games.

I want desperately to be that woman again - to stop the incongruence between the outward and the inward me. 

But that is not what God sees.  He doesn't see incompatibility - He sees complete harmony. He created me to be the best "me" I can be. He reminds me I am His creation and in His eyes, I am perfect. Inside and outside, I meet His expectations. 

God's disciples throughout history did not meet societal norms. They were not put on this earth for that purpose. And neither were you or I. 

"Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." Gal 1:10 NIV

The "mind games" are because I give credence to what I believe society requires. I am my own worst emotional enemy. What I desire most is to serve God so that when I see Him face to face, He says "well done, good and faithful servant."

I will not give in to "blue." It may take longer, and look different than ever before, but I will work hard, play hard, with what God has given me. I will run the race in a divine manner, and my marathon medal will prayerfully be earned in Heaven.

What about you? Are you worried about what others see? Worried that you can't meet the requirements of those around you? You are perfect to God! Join me and stop worrying about what others think and lets become TRUE servants of Christ.

But if you see me taking a nap, don't worry - I'm just resting up for the next leg of the race!

The Past is the Past

Most of us have heard the saying "the past is the past," sometimes precipitated by an argument over a wrong decision, or by our lamenting over a long history of bad decisions or circumstances. Maybe our past reminds us of a simpler, more joyful time and we wonder where it could have gone. No matter, everything that occurred prior to this exact moment in time is now part of our past.

We cannot change the past - good or bad. "What if I had made a different career choice?" "What if I had studied more diligently for that test?" "What if I had made a more prudent financial decision?" What if? No matter how many "what ifs" we have in our life, not a single one can change where we are today. Short of owning a Delorean equipped with special features that travel across time at 88 mph, everything that has occurred before this very moment is part of our history. 

What we can change, however, is where we go tomorrow - our future! By dwelling on things that have already happened, we risk the beauty that God still desires for us. Think about Lot, the nephew of Abraham who found favor in God's eyes. He was living in a morally corrupt land that God was about to destroy because of its rampant immorality. Because Lot was favored, God sent angels to rescue him and his family prior to the fiery destruction. (Read the full story in Genesis 19.)

Lot and his wife hesitated. They couldn't let go. They were clinging onto what they knew - their past - instead of looking to the better future God was providing. As the angels were leading them out of town by the hand, Lot's family was warned "...Don't look back..." Genesis 19:17. What did Lot's wife do?

"But Lot's wife looked back and she became a pillar of salt." Genesis 19:26 NIV

A pillar of salt, left there on the plains never to breathe life again. She had been given a chance to continue living a favored life with her family, the only requirement was that she let go of her past...and she couldn't.  Isn't that just like us?

Every time we cling to the past, we are transformed one cell at a time into a pillar of salt. To achieve the glory and blessings God desires for us, we must let go. We must focus on our future - on God's future for us. The past is the past...leave it there.

How about you? Do you (like me) find your mind creeping towards things of the past? Commit with me to take one forward step at a time. Become determined to not allow the salt of our wounds to take over our entire being. Seek God's future for your life.

"I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  I am SIGNIFICANT in Christ. I will fight the good fight as a Princess Warrior for the Lord!"

Olfactory Discipleship

I am a “sensor.”  I use all of my five senses in how I navigate my life and make decisions – touch, smell, sight, hearing and taste. Being a sensor, I especially appreciate a good hug – and if you smell good when I accept your embrace, even better. While some days the only hug I receive is from my dog Lightning (who puts up with me), the hug I appreciate the most is from my son Josh. Not only is he an amazing hugger, he also has a very distinct smell – no matter the cologne or deodorant, this Mama knows the smell of her one and only son.

Aromas can be very powerful. The fragrance of cinnamon roasted almonds makes me think of the state fair.  Burnt spaghetti reminds me of growing up in Golden, Colorado where Coors Brewery roasted barley and hops, usually on Wednesdays. Varnish brings me back to the days going to the lake with my Grandparents in my Grandpa’s work van - Grandpa wouldn’t stop for “tee tee” breaks, so we had to use an empty Porter Paint varnish can.

As with anything from our life history, there are times when a fragrance may not return pleasant memories. There are also times when our olfactory system picks up an aroma that we cannot place, but yet it provides us with a sense of safety, peace and comfort.

But thanks be to God, who always leads us as captives in Christ’s triumphal procession and uses us to spread the aroma of the knowledge of him everywhere.  2 Corinthians 2:14 

The aroma of the knowledge of Jesus Christ everywhere; the very smell of redemption permeating the air.  I imagine a parade, Jesus high on a grand float all decorated in beautiful white roses, his white robe flowing and scarred hands waving, with each of us Believers in grand procession following as those who don’t know Jesus take in the sight and smell of His majesty! Ah the aroma!

Pay attention to the “perfume” of life.  And when you sense a fragrance that you can’t quite place, but it still provides you comfort, close your eyes, tune out the rest of the world.  Take time to feel God’s amazing hug and know that He is filling you with the knowledge of Christ’s redeeming power and love. 

Doubt and a Gas Station

When my son was just a kid, my folks took us to the Christmas Train in Dry Gulch. We were so excited to go that none of us thought to see how much gas was in our car. While singing Christmas songs and enjoying family time, we heard the unfortunate “ding” followed by a steady red light blaring the dreaded words “Low Fuel.” We were far from any gas station, it was extremely cold outside, we were already running late for our Christmas Train time slot, and by golly nothing was getting in our way of family fun! So we continued on, all the while knowing that we didn’t have enough fuel to get back to town that evening.

Later, as we piled back into the car, laughing and enjoying the caffeine and sugar high from hot cocoa, we remembered that we still had a dilemma – no gas. My son, being the faithful believer in Christ, simply said “Let’s pray, God will get us home.” (With the voice of love, but with the heart of feeling like a parental failure, I said: Right, good job son!)

Well, thanks be to God we made it home…God did deliver. I’m sure you expect me to end with scripture and say “faith like a child,” faith as small as a mustard seed,” or some other worthy devotion, but that’s not the moral of this story. Today, I’m writing about Perseverance, Wisdom and Doubt. While Josh had complete faith, us adults in the vehicle had Doubt (and definitely lacked wisdom leaving without filling up to begin with). Thank goodness our Provider listened to Josh instead of the adults!

Stay with me here…

Fast forward some 14 years – I have often used the following scripture in James 1, as a comfort to myself as well as to others I have mentored:

James 1:2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Through many sleepless nights I tried to remind myself that there is “joy” somewhere within my suffering – that God had it all under control. I must simply persevere.

Today, God brought this scripture to my mind once again – not in a sleepless night, but instead in the midst of a beautiful morning.  As I opened my heart to read, TRULY read God’s word, he opened my eyes to a new understanding.  The scripture continues as follows: 

5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7 That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. 8 Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do…12 Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.

In previous times and during those sleepless, tear-filled nights, God knew I could only handle His gentle nudge to persevere. Today, He is sharing more of His promise – that with Wisdom I can be free of Doubt, so that I will not only Persevere, but I will receive Joy and His crown of life!

Back to my story about Josh. He knew he had a personal relationship with the One who could stretch the fuel beyond the tank’s capacity and deliver us safely to a gas station. It was a test, with boldness he prayed that God would deliver.  And boy, did He ever deliver! Once at the gas station, we filled the fuel tank to the top. A car usually takes one or two more gallons than is stated in a car’s owners’ manual…but this time, when the pump finished dispensing fuel, it read almost FOUR full gallons MORE than it should have, and it was two more gallons than had ever been put in that car!

With Wisdom, do not Doubt, Persevere in suffering, withstand the test and receive the Crown of Life with Joy! While you’re at it, have child-like faith – sometimes those crazy kids are onto something!