Messed Up

I am totally messed up today!  Life is spiraling around me faster than ever, and yet I feel like I'm moving in slow motion.  I just read an article on Messy Canvas titled "Tired of Being a Christian," and it resonated strongly in my mind and heart.  Here's the link to the article:  Messy Canvas.

Lately, I've struggled with expectations...expectations of those in authority over me, of friends, of coworkers, of family...but mostly expectations that I impose on myself.  I've expected myself to be a "leader of leaders," to be the "strong one," and to be the one that "has it all together."  But truth is...I'm failing.  And failure is painful.

As I read Messy Canvas' article, I realize that maybe the only failure is that the expectations are misguided.  While I expect myself to be a "leader of leaders," is that what God expects of me?  Does He expect me to be the strong one?  Does He expect me to have it all together?  I'm realizing that those expectations, those qualities, are actually qualities of God himself!  And who am I to think I can be God?

I've realized that while it's honorable to be a "leader of leaders," God has actually called me, at this season of time, to be a "leader of doers."  There is much work to be done, and it seems He has skilled me to not only get it done, but empower those around me to engage in the work of His Kingdom as well. 

While it's honorable to be the strong one, He is showing me that it is His strength, not my own.

While it's honorable to have it all together, I am only one part of the Body of Christ, and without Him and without the others that make up the body, it is impossible to be "all together."

He is calling me to reflect Him, not to BE Him.  By trying to live up to any expectations other than those that God has imposed, I am essentially trying to be God.

And...I...am...not...God!

So, I think I'm going to remove the word Pastor from my title, and change it to Doer.  Doer of God's work..whatever that looks like, whoever that impacts, however that expands His Kingdom.  So don't expect much from me...but expect much from God in me.