Worry - A Familiar Chair

Today I had fully intended to write about Trust, but events this past weekend found me in a familiar place - worry.  My chair in this place is still warm because I haven't left it long enough for it to return to room temperature.

This weekend, I had the absolute honor to baptize my brother-in-love and then join him in baptizing my sister, signifying their recommitment to Christ. To be allowed by God and chosen by my family was more special and joyful than I can ever express!  I could feel the hands of the Holy Spirit gently hugging these precious moments with my family!

The event, however, was not without its hiccups. The enemy truly tried to interrupt the symbolic gesture, and if he couldn't interrupt, he wanted to steal the joy from this holy moment.

Baptizing my brother-in-love went smoothly, despite the fact that he is 6'5, being baptized by someone 12.5 inches shorter and in a 4 ft pool - could have been a recipe for either disaster or hilarity. Thankfully, the enemy left that moment alone. However, when it came time to baptize my sister, my words were stolen. Somehow I could not for the life of me remember the names of the triune God although I have recited them hundreds of times - Father, SON and the Holy Spirit. Three times I tried - Father.....Holy Spirit, Father....Holy Spirit, Father....Holy Spirit. Finally, I slipped the name of Jesus between Father and Holy Spirit and her husband I plunged my sister under water, raising her up in her new life of recommitment in Christ.  Celebration erupted in the pool and in the congregation! Success!

But the enemy was not yet done. As I exited the pool, my legs began to tremble and failed me, almost knocking me off of the ladder.  I stood at the base, afraid to move fearing my next step would include a full face plant on the floor. My sister rushed to my side, and within a few minutes (which seemed like eternity), I was once again able to walk. Take that enemy!

Then, that afternoon as I reflected on the morning's events, I returned to my familiar place of worry. This was one more episode in an as-of-yet undiagnosed malady that I have been dealing with for months. What now God? Why can't the doctors figure this out? What if I'm crazy? What do people think? As my Father is so loving, He reminded me that I am significant to Him. He sees my every struggle, my every need, my every single desire. My Lord knows the resolution, and while this earthly body is troubled with something unknown to me, God is controlling the outcome. My job is to not lose faith, trust in Him, do His will, and reflect His glory.

You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely. You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth...Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 139:1-18,23-24 NIV)

It was God's will for me to participate in my sister and brother-in-love's recommitment and baptism, and He kept the enemy from winning. While the event didn't occur the way we expected, our Father knew how it would play out. God knows my every move. He has created me to be significant! And if I am faithful, The enemy will be defeated and God will be glorified - in the name of the Father, SON, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

What If?

I was talking with my doctor last week and asked several questions in quick succession, all beginning with What If?  My doctor simply responded:

Stop dealing in the What Ifs.

I am blessed to have a Christian doctor who knows me fairly well.  He has seen me through quite a bit - illness, divorce, raising Josh on my own, major stress, and now another illness that as of yet is undiagnosed.  I have cried on his shoulder many times, and still he reminds me:

Stop dealing in the What Ifs.

In many circumstances, What If is a prudent question.  What if it rains today, should I send a raincoat with my kids to school? What if we use a less expensive option on materials for a project, will the project suffer? What if I go on a date and the guy is creepy, should I pretend to go to the ladies' room  and slip out the door? (Yes, this is a valid What If question for me.)

As a Christ follower, I am to trust God in all circumstances. He invites me to His throne to pray for His direction, protection, provision and healing in my life circumstances. By praying, I am to relinquish control to the the Father. 

However, by asking What If after I have been on my knees in prayer, I am assuming control of the outcome and removing God from the situation. 

Jesus said:

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! (Matthew 7:7-11 NIV)

With a promise like that, why should I ever want to regain control? God wants to provide for us, His significant and precious children, more than we can ask, think or imagine. Because of this, I must remind myself to replace What If with...

Amen.

 

Duplicity

du·plic·i·ty

 [doo-plis-i-tee, dyoo-] 

noun, plural du·plic·i·ties 
1.  deceitfulness in speech or conduct, as by speaking or acting in two different ways to different people concerning the same matter; double dealing.

As I sit on my porch, listening to the sounds of morning, I questioned God about His purpose for my life. After sleeping 12+ hours, instead of appreciating the quality sleep that often escapes me, I could feel frustration rising that "half the day" is already gone, and I still "have" to read my devotions, study the Word and try to write a blog. My friends are at work, earning an income, joking and planning the next happy hour and I'm stuck here, my body working against me and sleeping the day away. Then, in true God fashion, I came across this scripture in one of those dreaded devotions:

"With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water." (James 3:9-12 NIV)

The context of this scripture is James telling others about taming their tongue - to stop acting "holy" while speaking poorly about others.  What this scripture said to me was "You can't have your cake and eat it too."  I cannot be duplicitous. Either I serve God or I serve myself.

Immersing myself in cooking and game shows, checking all the social media sites every 15 minutes, reading suspense novels, accepting every happy hour and party invite...top items on my list of self-serving struggles.

Studying the Word, reading devotions, writing, maintaining a Godly home with Godly relationships...simple list of God serving requirements.

I have a choice.

God placed a calling on my life: To lead women into their significance in Christ.  This calling requires sacrifice, commitment, and single mindedness. While I would like 14+ hours of productivity instead of sleep, I recognize that sleep lifts some of the "fog" that I live with and allows me a few lucid hours to read, write and focus.

We are all on this earth for a reason.  We can live the life gifted to us in a worldly manner seeking status, income, and living for the next party.  Or live a live of purpose, impacting others for eternity.

I choose purpose.  I choose God. I am in an interesting season that allows me more time to seek God's face - this may last for a few more weeks, may last longer. Seasons change and I am not sure what tomorrow brings, but I know I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. With His help, I will not be duplicitous.

How Are You?

How often do we hear "How are you?" And then respond "Fine, how are you?" The "fine" response may truly reflect how you are, but usually it is just a habitual response.  My dad likes to use a couple of different answers, just to liven things up a bit:

"If I were any better, I'd be twins," or "Every day's a good day this side of the dirt."

While I haven't been feeling my best recently, yesterday I pondered my answer to the question How are you? Does anyone want to hear the truth? Or are they asking out of courtesy? And if I just answer the pat response, am I limiting my opportunity to receive needed prayer?

Then, God filled my mind with this:

I am SIGNIFICANT to God. 

 Although my body may not be running at its best, I am still significant to my Creator! He never has to ask How are you, because He already knows! His desire is to make me be the best ME I can be...whether it is with physical limitations or without because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  He knows and cares for every hair on my head (and apparently has decided I have too much hair, since I've been losing it by the handfuls).

I am significant to God!

So if you ask me how I'm doing, don't be surprised if my response is unusual - now, How are YOU?

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. (Matthew 10:29-31 NIV)

 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. (Psalm 139:13-16 NIV)

 

Mouth Guard

Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips. (Psalm 141:3 NIV)

As a kid, we signified a secret to be kept between friends by the motion of a key turning at our closed lips, "locking" the secret inside.  We would then throw the invisible key far away, representing that the secret would never be released from the vault behind our lips. All too often, however, the lock mechanism failed and the secret that was previously safe spilled out, betraying the trust that came with the secret.

Psalm 141:3 reminded me of this childhood ritual. In our sinful nature, it is extremely difficult to keep our mouths shut.  Some of us may be good at keeping secrets, but instead we speak words that are unkind, hurtful or just plain ugly.  Jesus said this:

“No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thornbushes, or grapes from briers. A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. (Luke 6:43-45 NIV)

My heart intends to be good, but sometimes the damaged human sinful part of my heart sends a signal to my lip "door" to open wide and spill out evil.

God knows my heart, and while He works to replace the sinful portions with His perfection, He is willing to stand guard over my mouth. What about you? Have you asked Jesus to change your heart? Have you also asked Him to place a heavenly guard over your mouth while construction is underway?

On the Brink - But Relinquishing Control

I have had numerous reasons to be angry with God in the past...health issues, financial ruin, all of the "stuff" that ended my marriage...and the list could go on.  Funny thing is, I don't ever recall being angry with the Lord. Instead, I have done something much worse - I took control.  Yep, I'm a Control Freak  (right, like you didn't already know that little tidbit).

In my human logic, I figured if God wasn't going to fix my situation du juor, then by golly I sure will!  After I achieved limited (if any) success, I could often feel God saying,

How'd that work out for ya?

Well, not very good God. To which His response was to clean up the mess I had made, dust me off and gently point me in the right direction.

As I am dealing once again with my physical body retaliating against me, my spiritual mind has seemed to awake. The physical limitations, financial concerns, and the future plan questions that remain unanswered would normally place me in a state of panic.  But for once, instead of taking over, I have relinquished control.

Can I just tell you what a sense of peace it gives me to know that the Creator of the Universe has "got this?"

He is working miracles daily (including restoring my ability to write) and continues to remind me of my purpose:

To lead women into their Significance in Christ.

As I sought His face this afternoon to thank Him for a call I received ending in a positive outcome, He provided the following scriptures:

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life ? (Matthew 6:25-27 NIV)

 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? (Romans 8:31, 32 NIV)

Are you a Control Freak? Time to "let go and let God." 

Shalom my Friends.

On the Brink of - Doubt?

Ever deal with doubt? Inadequacy? Just don't feel "good enough?" This is an area I struggle with more often than I would care to admit.  For quite some time I have been waiting for someone else to do what God placed on my heart.  I have been denying God because I felt unworthy, unskilled, and honestly fearful.

God's desire for me is to lead women into their significance in Christ.  He gave me this vision several years ago, but "life" (and my doubt) kept getting in the way. The more life happened, the more inadequate and unprepared I felt. As I would read blogs, books and devotions from powerful women in ministry, it just reinforced my self-talk that I'm simply not good enough. My words are too simple, my life and style are not "holy" enough, added to these is that I do not know the steps to take to begin this mission.

God waited for me to drop my excuses.  He even removed a few obstacles. And when I was seemingly done whining, He reminded me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. (Psalm 139:14 NIV)

He would not give me a vision and a mission without giving me the skills necessary to complete the task.  He will provide me the details when necessary. My job is simply to carry out His request.  He reminded me of this through the story of King David and his son Solomon.

David wanted to build a place of "...great magnificence and fame and splendor in the sight of all the nations." 1 Chron 22:5NIV. This place was to be the temple for the Ark of the Covenant - the temple of God. David had a vision, but God placed the mission on Solomon to carry out.

Solomon was not skilled in construction.  I'm sure in today's world you would not find him on Angie's List of recommended builders.  Because of this, He was likely filled with fear and doubt.  After all, this was the temple of The Lord! But through King David, God provided Solomon with all of the tools and supplies necessary, even complete blueprints down to the last nail.  Solomon had simply to do two things:  seek completion with his full heart; and, "read the manual."

Do we seek after anything with our full heart? Do we even read the manual when it is provided to us?

God provides the blueprints for success; when we set them aside and try things in our own strength, we are destined for failure. Once we return to God's instructions, we will complete the mission and fulfill His desire to build a place of great magnificence. Whether it is changing one heart, dozens, hundreds, or thousands, if it is His will, it will be magnificent in His eyes.

Now devote your heart and soul to seeking the Lord your God. Begin to build the sanctuary of the Lord God, so that you may bring the ark of the covenant of the Lord and the sacred articles belonging to God into the temple that will be built for the Name of the Lord.” (1 Chronicles 22:19 NIV)

You ARE good enough.  You are fearfully and wonderfully made, and you are Significant to God. Are you afraid? Do you feel insignificant? Do you have doubt? Seek God and He will provide you all you need to fulfill His divine purpose.

On the Brink of Contentment

...I am content in whatever situation I am in...I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  Philippians 4:11b, 13. GVT

I have recited this scripture dozens upon dozens of times.  In fact, at the beginning of each work day, I write "Philippians 4:13" at the top of my customer note pad to remind myself that no matter what a customer throws at me, I can handle it with His divine help.

As I face another "interesting" journey, I again call upon this scripture (as well as others) to help me through. You see, I have two illnesses - an autoimmune disorder called polymyositis which is fairly uncommon, and the much more common disorder fibromyalgia.  The first illness can be life threatening if not managed, and both disorders are life altering.  By eating right and exercising fairly regularly, I had them somewhat under control. In fact, God had placed the polymyositis in remission when I was a leader at kid's camp in 2005, which began the path into ministry for the next 6 years.

Then, early this year I began experiencing dizzy spells, vision impairment, speech issues, difficulty thinking clearly, extreme fatigue...and the list goes on.  Oh...and hair loss! No, not the hair!  (If you know me, I really love the slight streaks of purple carefully placed in my brunette locks!)

The concern now? Multiple sclerosis. To add insult to injury, the fibromyalgia is back with a vengeance and polymyositis may be present as well. I know, really? I am awaiting testing to make the diagnosis.

While I am certainly concerned about the diagnosis, treatment, and my finances, for the first time in this crazy journey, I am more content than I have ever been.  God has shown His face so many times that there is little way I can deny His presence.  He has reminded me that He is my shepherd and will take care of Me, a single sheep. As part of His flock. He is my shepherd and I shall not want.

Just as God cared for Paul in prison, Peter on the water, Jonah in the belly of the whale, the Israelites as they were chased to the Red Sea by the Egyptians, He will care for me.

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. (Psalm 23:1-6 NIV)

What are you facing? His promises are true.  Through Christ, gain strength.  Face your troubles, give them to God and be content in all circumstances.  It is not easy, but it is possible through Christ.

Shalom my friends.

Forgiveness

The Father wrote His autograph
Upon a cross of shame,
With pen divine, all dipped in blood,
“Forgiven in Jesus’ name.”   -Bosch-

 Well, another theme emerged in my devotions this morning.  The devotions were not about forgiveness themselves, but God used the words written to remind me to forgive.

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. (Matthew 6:14, 15 NIV)

As I strive to become a Scripture Recaller, I remember that Jesus spoke very clearly about forgiveness as chronicled throughout the Gospels.

Indeed, much has been written about forgiveness throughout the centuries.  I am sure there is likely a step-by-step guide somewhere on the book shelves of our local store, so I don't intend to be too verbose here.  Simply put, God provided forgiveness to me through His son Jesus Christ. Because of His love and sacrifice, I am to forgive those who do me wrong.

Scripture also tells me I must actually go one step further and not only forgive, but love those who wrong against me, as God himself loves them. Neither forgiveness nor love are easy! I have a long way to go to reconcile my heart with God's desires in this area!

I am going to leave you with the following scripture.  I could certainly write more, but I'm a shining example of a "work in progress," so I had best let the scriptures do the talking! Peace My Friends!

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor, and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you this: Love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you. In this way you show that you are children of your Father in heaven. He makes his sun rise on people whether they are good or evil. He lets rain fall on them whether they are just or unjust. If you love those who love you, do you deserve a reward? Even the tax collectors do that! Are you doing anything remarkable if you welcome only your friends? Everyone does that! That is why you must be perfect as your Father in heaven is perfect. (Matthew 5:43-48 GWT)

Scripture Recaller

Today's theme in my devotions was to study and remain in God's Word to guide, protect and deliver. Without being in the Word, we become saturated in the world.  (What a difference one letter can make.)  

It is funny to me how I read my first devotion and had the thought, "Yeah, I'm NOT a good Scripture Recaller, so I need to befriend one or two Bible Scholars to fill in where I am weak.  Then...I opened my next devotion on YouVersion.  You guessed it, very same topic! God, are you trying to tell me something? Cuz I'm a bit dull sometimes.

Becoming a fully-devoted follower of Christ is a life-long journey.  As I move along this path, I face many obstacles.  Without God's guidance, each obstacle becomes more difficult to maneuver.  Where do I find His guidance? Through the Holy Spirit and...wait for it...the Bible.  If I'm not fluent in His Word, how can I possibly expect to clear each hurdle?

I realized, while it would be extremely beneficial to surround myself with Bible Scholars, it is high time that I invest more energy in His Word - more of myself learning the very truths He breathed that have withstood the ages.  I do not have to become a scholar, but I do need to be a Word Researcher, a Scripture Junkie, a Bible Engager...how else will I ever become a Scripture Recaller?

In the beginning was the Word. The Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. All things were made through Him, and apart from Him nothing was made that has come into being. In Him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overpowered it. (The Gospel according to John 1:1-5 TLV)

Sleep Truster

Are you a Sleep Truster? Do you lay your head down on the pillow, exhausted from all of the day's problems, and pray that God will fix the situation? Then, when you wake in the morning, for a brief moment you've forgotten that you had any burdens? Maybe you awake to your children laughing, or birds singing, or even peace and quiet...then, boom...you remember that life isn't all "white picket fence" perfect.  If this sounds familiar, you are a Sleep Truster.  Don't worry, you're not alone...I'm often a Sleep Truster too.  The good news is that there is a cure.  The bad news is, we must give up control! (Anyone who knows me knows this is s HUGE issue!)

A Sleep Truster bears her burdens all day long and releases them to God when she sleeps.  Instead of wearing the Armor of God during her waking hours, she wears a sackcloth of worries. At night, she replaces the sackcloth with her sleeping garment of protection and hands the sackcloth to God to launder.  God's desire is not just to launder the threadbare sackcloth, but to turn it into the glorious splendor of His armor.

The Sleep Truster does not see the potential of the sackcloth.  She has lived with this garment for so long, it has become part of her.  She does not see that God's power can turn it into something magnificent.  And so, she demands it back the next morning, taking it out of God's hands and placing all of the burdens it represents squarely on her shoulders once again.

All too often, my last thought of the night is about God, and my first thought of the morning is free from worry.  At the very moment I return my thoughts to my own burdens, I begin to trust myself and not my Savior who wants to provide abundantly more than I can ask, think or imagine.  We've all seen cute pictures with the saying "give your worries to God, he's up all night anyway," why not give them to Him for the other 16 hours?

"Praise be to The Lord, to God our Savior, who bears our burdens." Psalm 68:19

I will endeavor to be a Complete Truster, not just a Sleep Truster, and purposely turn my thoughts toward God my Savior, and away from my burdens.  After all, He's up all of the time!

Morning Reflection

It has been quite some time since I posted last.  I am hoping and praying that this will be the first of many and that God is renewing His desire to express through me.

Inspired by Lysa TerKeurst this morning, I whispered

---Jesus...Jesus...Jesus---

How quickly it brought me into His presence.

How swiftly I was rewarded peace.

How honestly I was reminded that He is here.

He doesn't require me to whisper His name three times, but does desire me to remain aware of His presence.

While my mind wanders He remains steadfast and true.  Whispering His holy name is for my benefit, not His...it is to bring me into a place of focus and reverence.

He is always here, just waiting for me to join Him.

----Jesus...Jesus...Jesus---