Speak Volumes Not Pages

I read a passage the other day that I'm sure I've read before, but it just didn't pop out like it did this time.

"Jesus did many other things as well.  If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written."  John 21:25

The Gospels (the books of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John) document much of Jesus' ministry.  His teachings, movements, miracles, arrest, conviction, death and resurrection are all told within these books.  The Gospels are full of so many stories that help lay the foundation of our Christian faith.  I never truly considered the fact that there was much more to tell.  Well, sure, I realize that because there isn't a day-to-day diary of everything Jesus did, there was more to His life than what's documented in the Gospels.  But, I never really considered how MUCH more!  Then, I read the John 21:25 "the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written."

Jesus was only 33 when he was crucified.  Thirty-three years on this earth, and much of that He spent preparing for His ministry before He ever assembled His disciples.  His life was short, yet He did so much.

The question I had to ask myself is - What have I done lately?  When it's all said and done, how much of an impact will I have on the Kingdom?  How many pages will it take to document what I've accomplished? 

Let me be clear, I'm in no way comparing myself to Jesus -  He was God in human form.  But if I believe the Scriptures, I have God in me and He wants to do immeasurably more than I could ever ask, think or imagine.

What have I done for the Kingdom?  Will what God does through me fill only one page, or will it fill volumes?  Or will it even be worth writing down? 

This passage of Scripture is inspiring "Jesus did other things as well...the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written."  What have I done that is worth documenting? And what will I do in the future?

What have YOU done for the Kingdom?  How many volumes will it take to document your Kingdom works?

Reflection

Ever have one of those moments (or series of moments) where you just get so irritated and let everyone around you know?  Yeah, me neither.  Okay - I actually have those moments entirely too frequently!  Yesterday was a good example.  Someone "pushed my buttons" in a way that just sent irritation and frustration through every cell in my body.  Let me rephrase - I allowed someone to irritate and frustrate me, and I shared it with everyone within ear shot.

"As water reflects the face, so one's life reflects the heart." Proverbs 27:19

As I was reading this morning, God slapped me with this Proverb.  One of my numerous flaws is that I wear my heart on my sleeve. No matter what emotion I may be dealing with at any given time, it is evident to anyone who I come in contact with. Whether I'm sad, irritated, angry, or happy, it's apparent.

I admire those people who always seem like nothing bothers them - they appear to be like ducks with the water of emotions skimming off of their backs. They truly have their hearts in the right place - mine...sometimes I wonder if God put my heart somewhere down in my toes.

I recognize my reaction to life is the only thing I can control.  I can't control anyone around me - I can only be responsible for how I handle it.  And I have to start with my heart condition.  I've known this for a long time, and I've made great strides in transforming my emotions...but I still have a long way to go. 

I want more than anything for my life to reflect a pure, loving, caring, merciful, and passionate heart.  I'm getting there - and with God's grace and direction, am praying that, someday, I'll be able to look back at a life that truly reflects God's heart. 

What about you?  What does your life reflect?

Super Bowl!

If you are my friend, you know I'm not a big sports fan.  It's not that I don't like sports - because I do - I've just found that there are dozens of other things that I could be doing other than watching every football, baseball, basketball and/or hockey game on television.  But - I've always liked the Super Bowl!

A few days ago, my son told me we should have a Super Bowl party.  I walked over to our 27" television, pointed and the two of us began to laugh - yeah, who would want to watch the Super Bowl at our house when everyone we know has a TV the size of the football stadium itself.  Well - that's about to change!

I received a telephone call yesterday from a good friend - they just replaced their "old" television with a flat screen and wanted to bless us by giving us their old TV.  He told me before I say yes to come over and take a look at the TV.  So, I zipped over there last night - walked into the garage, and there it was - glowing in the dark like some kind of beacon, beckoning me to "step into the light."  My friend's garage was immediately transformed into an animated forest complete with Shrek romping around larger than life...on a 50" television with surround sound speakers! Oh my...I'm speechless - all I can get out of my mouth is Thank You!

I have been richly blessed throughout the years, and I am so thankful.  God has surrounded me with some of the most incredibly generous, loving and genuine people!  And it's not just material giving - my friends give their hearts by being selfless with their time and their love for one another.  I only hope I can give back even a portion of what I've received!

...I think I'll start with the Super Bowl - who wants to come to my house?  Here's your invite!

Dog Days

A song lyric keeps running through my mind this morning - "the dog days are over."  I am absolutely clueless why, but I can't stop singing it.  I keep trying to correlate this lyric to my reading, to draw out some kind of higher meaning - a message from God.  But...nothing. 

The dog days are over.  Well, duh!  It's winter!  And it's cold outside.  Maybe God's trying to tell me to dress appropriately?

But - just as I almost give up trying to find some deep spiritual significance of this song, I read through John 17 and come across this:

"My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one.  They are not of the world, even as I am not of it."  John 17:15-16

I don't remember all of the lyrics of the song in my head, but because it is a secular song, I doubt that they're entirely wholesome and ready to be turned into a hymn.  But as it continues to bounce around in my little pea brain, I am reminded that I am not OF the world, even though I am IN the world.  Because I am in this world, I am surrounded by music, movies, television shows and other influences that are OF this world. 


Jesus cared enough to pray for me before he was crucified - he knew that there would be influences in the 21st century that didn't exist in his time.  He knew how twisted and corrupt the world was and how much worst it would get - and he prayed for me.
 
Jesus taught his disciples and prayed to the Father...

"As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world." John 17:18

 
God sent Jesus to earth, Jesus trained his disciples and sent them out into the world, and they taught others who finally reached me.  Just like Jesus' disciples, I am influenced in this world because I am IN it.  But because of Jesus, I am not OF it.  What I do IN this world is what matters.
 
The dog days are over - it's just a song that I heard on the radio and it is still bouncing around in my head.  But it has meaning - meaning in this world.
 
I get the message loud and clear - and thank you God, I will dress appropriately.

It's Over

Well - the 21 day fast has officially ended - and what do I want for breakfast?  A banana and peanut butter.  Seems crazy, I know, but I think it's an indication of how I feel about this fast and its impact on me spiritually, emotionally and physically.  Truth is - I'm a bit sad that it's over (noticed I said "a bit").

My mind is racing with a million things I want to write today comparing this fast to different experiences, but I think I'll leave it at this:

Today, my mind is clearer, my body is healthier, and my heart is fuller.  I see myself more clearly as a child of God and a woman of significance for Him.  I am closer to God than I have been in a long time, and He is revealing to me, brick by brick, the path that He has for me. 

And...I am afraid.  I don't ever want to step back to where I was a month ago.  I want to be in His courts, in His presence, in His will, the rest of the days of my life.  God has revealed some big things and He has put people in my path to keep me accountable and to guide and direct me.  He is creating new relationships and strengthening old ones that He will use to keep me on His path.

Today, I no longer have the "crutch" of a corporate fast.  But, today, I have my Father...and it is Good!

Hearing vs Listening

First off - wow, something really didn't want me to blog today.  I've been "messing" with my computer for nearly 30 minutes - first the computer froze, then the wireless router, then blogspot service.  But I press on...here 'goes.

What does the saying "I heard from God" mean to you?  What does it really mean when someone says "God spoke to me?"  Well, there are numerous examples throughout the Bible.  In Genesis, God actually took Abram outside of his tent to show him the stars in the sky.  In Exodus, God appeared to Moses through the flames of a bush that miraculously caught on fire all by itself.  In the New Testament, God chose to speak to us through His Son, Jesus Christ.  At Pentacost, God sent His Holy Spirit to intercede for us and become our own personal counselor for God.  God has spoken in many different ways throughout time, and continues to do so today.

A friend of mine said to me just this morning that he longs for the days when God was more tangible - he doesn't feel like he's been "hearing" from God like he has in the past.  Do you ever feel that way?  Do you feel like you've never heard from God, or that he's giving you the silent treatment lately?

I'm wondering - is it because He's not speaking that we don't "hear" Him, or is it actually because we aren't listening?

Not too long ago I went through a period of time where I just didn't seem to hear from God - I felt like I was truly in a dessert, all alone, asking - no begging to be lead out of the dessert and back to the promised land, but nothing.  Life continued to happen around me and I continued to participate, but I felt like God wasn't listening because he wasn't speaking back. 

As I look back at that not-to-terribly distant past, I realize God was speaking, I just wasn't listening.  Wandering around in the dessert, He continued to send me "manna from heaven" - He continued to feed me, provide for me and protect me.  He continued to remind me that He will never leave me nor forsake me.  But I was so focused on some ground-breaking, burning-bush message that I didn't listen to what He was truly trying to tell me. 

Here's the message...are you ready?

"Be patient.  Seek.  Listen.  I am tangible.  My message is valuable.  Listen and you will hear it.  And when the time comes, I will move in a way that is unmistakeably me."

When we think God isn't speaking, maybe we should focus more on listening.  Pay attention to everything going on around us.  Watch for the little things.  And as we ask for the bigger things - continue to do so in boldness that He will deliver - but be patient...and listen.

Facts and Fire

I am really enjoying the 21 Day Fast reading plan (there are numerous Bible reading plans available online).  Something almost always stands out - something that God wants me to ponder.  Today's was in the Additional Content:  "What facts are you facing today that defy God's truth?  Take the facts to God...and believe with boldness that your God will be with you in the fire." 

The scripture in today's reading was Daniel 3 was about Shadrach, et al's stint in the blazing furnace.  They faced the fact that they were to seek their God and no other gods, no matter what the consequences - even if it meant being thrown into a fiery furnace.  The story is pretty remarkable - the fire was so hot that it killed guards that were standing outside the furnace!  But yet, Shadrach and his two buddies (I'm being lazy here - I don't want to misspell their names, but I'm too lazy to look them up - forgive me) came out of the furnace not even smelling like smoke!  WOW!

Fast forward to January 19, 2011 and Robyn Brinkley - there are several "facts" that I am facing today.  Thankfully, no fiery furnace (especially since fire is my biggest phobia).  But facts keep popping up that defy some things that God has called me to do.  In the past, I have allowed these "facts" to derail my commitment.  I have caved and lost confidence in my calling.  But God is calling me to believe with absolute boldness - the boldness of Shadrach - that my God will be with me in the fire, and in the end, I will step out and not even smell like smoke!

The kindling has been lit, the fire has been stoked, I'm in the furnace, and standing right next to me...Jesus himself!  Come on in and join me - It's warm in here!

No Blog Just Budget

Today is Budget day.  I've got to finish the budget for our campus and submit it to our central office for review and approval.  We budget on a quarterly basis - just finished Q4 2010, so we are budgeting for Q4 of 2011.  This makes the budget process much easier and less painful - rather than budgeting for an entire year, we only budget for 3 months.  However, it still means that I have a ton of work ahead of me today.

Therefore - so sorry, but no blog.  No inspirational words.  No insight into what God's doing in me today.  No magnifying glass on how "human" (aka messed up) I really am.  Nope...just budget.

Hope your day is filled with things that are much more joyous than numbers.  Have a blessed day!

How to Silence Over 500 People

I can hardly believe it's the final week of the fast.  The last 2 weeks have mostly flown by - although there definitely have been times when it seemed like time stood still (especially at the Cheesecake Factory as my son was ordering his red velvet "cheesecake from heaven").

A good friend of mine posted this on Facebook yesterday:

God’s characteristic way of working is in quietness and through prayer. … If we are conditioned to respond to noise and size, we will miss God’s word and action. – Eugene Peterson

So true - God loves to work through quietness and prayer - but sometimes "quiet" doesn't mean sitting in a room alone with no distractions.  Here's a crazy example:  Yesterday, in the middle of more than 500 people, God revealed a bit of His plan to me.  The room seemed to be eerily silent, although there were hundreds of people sitting all around and our pastor's message was being proclaimed from stage.  God created His own quiet.  He removed all of the sounds around me - the people whispering, coughing, sneezing, babies crying, Pastor Craig's message through the loud speakers, people snoring (just kidding - who can sleep when Craig preaches!).  He created quiet so that I could hear his voice.

Hopefully someday I will share what He said to me...but in the meantime, suffice it to say that Change is coming, and it is going to be GOOD!

Confession

For those of you fasting that may have cheated a little here or there, I have a confession to make.  I broke my fast yesterday over lunch.  Let me explain.

I met a couple of pastors for lunch to talk about the direction of their multi-campus church.  We chose to meet somewhere central - and I suggested Smoke, the new restaurant on Cherry Street where my brother-in-law Erik Reynolds is the Exec Chef.  I'll take any opportunity I can get to enjoy the delectable cooking of my BIL, and to promote this new restaurant!  So...as I perused the menu, my mouth began to water...and I caved.  Smoked pork tacos please.  And they were delicious!

I figured in my mind - this is a "righteous" meeting, right?  This is a meeting ordained by God to further the Big "C" church?  So surely God won't mind if I cheat a little here today - after all, I need to be gracious to the gentlemen who were paying for my lunch, and I don't want to be like a Pharisee and point out how amazing I am because I am fasting for a whole 21 days!  Well, sure, all that has some level of truth.  But as I left the restaurant, and I moved through the rest of the day - one thing became very clear,

It wasn't about the fast itself, but about my focus on God.

As I delighted in the succulent, smokey, spicy shredded pork, my focus became about the food and not about God.

Let me be clear - God allows us to enjoy the food that He has blessed us with.  But, when we are fasting certain foods, by eating and certainly relishing every bite, it defeats the very purpose of the 21-day commitment to God.  Accidentally having cheese on a salad ordered at a restaurant, or not realizing that a certain soup is made with beef stock isn't really a "cheat" in my book - because we are still sticking with the spirit of the fast, even though we may have broken the "law" of the fast.

I have confessed to God and asked for forgiveness (he saw the beauty that was on my plate anyway), and committed to spending more time with him to make up for the focus I lost yesterday.  And so now I've confessed to you.  Forgive me.  Don't think me too weak.  And check out Smoke when the fast is over - you won't regret it!

Doubt is Out the Window

For months I have been playing Doubting Thomas.  I think I'm on the right track, then turn back because I doubt myself.  The littlest speck of "debris" on the tracks and I stop the speeding train for fear of derailment. 

In the message at LifeChurch.tv this past weekend (which you can check out at Church Online through Saturday), our senior pastor Craig Groeschel talked about how we would be "big thinking, bet-the-farm risk takers."  Craig has spoken those words to his staff several times over the past year and each time I think - yeah, that's me, a bet-the-farm risk taker.  But, my actions have not been a reflection...until now.

Several things have happened in the past few days.  First, I received an email from a friend whom I had asked to pray for me.  His words were uplifting and encouraging throughout the email - but the words that stuck the most are those he heard directly from God - "Change is coming and it is going to be GOOD."  Fast forward a few days - had a fantastic meeting with a couple of powerful women yesterday, one of whom also received a word from God for me - "Change is coming and it is going to be GOOD."  But she cautioned, change won't happen unless I'm willing to take some risks.

This morning, I read:

"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.  But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.  That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord.  Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do."  James 1:5-8

I've asked for wisdom, have asked others to pray for me in this regard, and the word of God is clear and true.  Do not doubt.  Do not be double-minded.  Do not be unstable in all I do.  Believe and He will give it generously and without finding fault.

The events of the past few days, and these words from God have lifted the yoke of bondage I've been in for a few months.  God is giving me Wisdom, and giving it generously.

I will seek after what God has promised with passion and determination.  I am a Big Thinking, Bet-the-Farm Risk Taker, and I am empowered by God himself.  So watch out because I won't be stopped!

Thank you for those who have prayed for me and I ask for your continued prayers!  God wants to do big and mighty things that only He can do.  Doubts are out the window!  Who wants to join me?

It's Working

Isn't it amazing when what you seek from God, He delivers?  The past 9 days, I have been seeking God for focus and for change.  And each day, I receive a little more from Him.  My mind wanders a little less, my focus seems to be getting clearer, and He is definitely changing the way I handle the life that spirals around me.

A quick example - yesterday, I reached out to several people about a project I want to undertake.  Before I could get a response, I heard from someone else on why it wouldn't work.  Usually, I am quick to react, fast to jump right back and defend my case.  But something told me to hang on, be patient, wait until tomorrow to answer.  As the day wore on, I finally did begin to receive responses from those whom I had petitioned...and they are interested in looking into this project.  Thankfully, I held my tongue, kept my cool...and waited.  Of course, there's still a long way to go on this project, and it may face many hurdles before seeing completion, but I know now that God is guiding me and with Him, it will work after all!

I will continue to pray for focus and change - likely even after this fast is over.  And I am thankful to My God that He cares enough to listen to a hot-head like me!

John 7:18

"Whoever speaks on their own does so to gain personal glory, but he who seeks the glory of the one who sent him is a man of truth; there is nothing false about him."

Fasting is all about seeking.  Today, I seek the glory of God, that my mind will be transformed.  Simple as that.

Focus

Day 8 - and today's theme seems to be Focus, Focus, Focus.  Our staff team is currently reading Celebration of Discipline by Richard J. Foster and, at staff meeting, I am to talk about the first two inward disciplines - meditation and prayer.  As I read through the pages, my mind seemed to wander constantly - thinking about the myriad of things that need to be accomplished.  Laundry, dishes, Sunday reports, the list goes on and on.  But God was trying to teach me something - Focus!

Meditation requires focus - prayer requires focus - life requires focus.  But how?  My mind is racing like a million electrical circuits, all firing at the same time giving energy to all of the life around me - if I focus on only one circuit, how will everything around me have electricity? The laundry, dishes, reports, meetings - how will it all get done?

Focus.

Focus..

Focus...

Focus on Him who gives me strength.  On Him who gives me life.  On Him who is my provider.  On Him who is my sustainer.  On Him who is my very creator.

Fasting is about denying myself something, relying on God to give me what I need, and then allowing Him to reveal Himself to me in a real way.  Fasting requries focus.  Actually, fasting perpetuates focus.  As I hunger and yearn for the cheesy goodness of an omelette, as I salivate over the pizza commercials, I can't help but turn my thoughts over to Him.

Today, I am asking Him to turn off all of the unnecessary electric circuits - the distractions - in my brain so that I may focus on the things that please Him.  I am simply asking Him to allow me to Focus.

And to remove all pizza commercials from television for the next two weeks...is that too much to ask?

Farming part Deux

More about farming today.  As I was reading yesterday, God showed me the following scripture:

"My food," said Jesus, "is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work. Don't you have a saying, 'it's still four months until harvest'? I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest. John 4:34-35

While I fast from certain foods, I recognize that my real food "is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work." And as I noted yesterday, the work is all about his people. 

There's a recurring theme as I enter into Day 5 - people.  When I salivate over the scrumptuous delights portrayed on my television screen, as I yearn for yummy meals all around me, as my stomach growls, it is becoming easier to turn my focus on God's desire to reach His people and provide for them the food and water of life.

I'm looking at people differently today - no, I'm not envisioning them as a large piece of pepperoni pizza - I'm more clearly seeing them as children of God, ready to be harvested into His Kingdom.  And it is good...it is good indeed!

Farming and Administration

How do farming and administration fit together?  Well, you'll see.  As an administrative pastor, I spend each day handling administrative tasks that help run our church office and also prepare us for the weekend.  Ordering supplies, scheduling volunteers, managing budgets...there are numerous tasks that must be completed before each Sunday's services.  Sometimes I get so caught up in these tasks that I forget the reason they're necessary - for the people.

Hitting Day 4 of the Fast, God is beginning to really stir my soul.  He's showing me that although what I do on a daily basis is "behind the scenes" and sometimes mundane, it has eternal significance.  It's not unlike a farmer who must ready the soil with the proper nutrients, plant the seeds, protect the plants from pests, and then harvest the crop.  The farmer does months of prep work before he ever gets to reap the harvest from even one plant.

The farmer lives for the harvest.  And just like the farmer, I live for the harvest of people - to see their lives changed each and every week.  Luckily for me, my prep work is only a week long - I don't have to wait as long as the farmer to see the harvest.  Each and every Sunday, I get to see first hand God's harvest after I've readied the soil - after I've done the prep work according to His will.

So if you ask me what I do during the week?  Well, I farm. And on Sundays, I get to pull out the combine and reap God's harvest.  So, if you see me on my combine in the church lobby, climb aboard! I'd love for you to farm with me!

Not Tempted - But Tested

With obedience and vulnerability sometimes comes testing.  My reason for fasting is multi-faceted - to be obedient to the calling of our senior pastor who has called our church to fast; to be obedient to God who has demonstrated fasting in his followers in many instances throughout the Bible; and the most important, to become closer to my Savior!  Any time we seek after God with all of our hearts, we cause a real threat to the enemy - and his desire is to bring us down.

Yesterday, my son called on his way to school and his truck is having problems.  It's the transmission.  Anyone who knows anything about cars knows that transmission problems are extremely expensive.  And, like many families, we do not have the kind of money necessary to replace the transmission.  This morning I'm going to try to drive it to a repair shop and see if we can get an estimate.  I am praying fervently that God miraculously heals the truck on my way to the repair shop, or at a very minimum, causes the repair to be inexpensive.  Unfortunately, we live in a town that has little or no mass transportation, and my son has to get from one school to another, and then to work each day - so a vehicle is necessary.  To many this may sound like a mere inconvenience, but for me being a single mom, it's a bit bigger.

We all face many trials, some more than others, and perservere.  This is no exception - we will get through this one.  We will not let the enemy win and bring us down.  We will call on the one true living God to take care of us.  He will provide the solution.  And we will praise Him that He has given us the truck to begin with.

And, if you see me on the road driving a beat up 1990 GMC Sierra pickup, wave.  But forgive me if I don't wave back through the dark tinted windows - I'll probably be distracted because I'll be gettin' my "G" lean on and rockin' out with the stereo cranked - may as well take advantage of the amazing sound system and pretend I'm a teenager again!

Day 2

So far, my commitment to writing more often has stuck.  Granted, it's only Day 2...but I'm holding out hope!

Yesterday went fairly well overall - with one exception.  My sweet 17-yr old son wanted to take me out to dinner - to Cheesecake Factory!  I initially told him no, that I'm on this fast and can't really eat anything (at least not anything worthwhile at such a temple of temptation - I mean really, the place should just be built as a gingerbread house covered in candy).  But I heard a true disappointment in my son's voice as I uttered the words "fast" and "I can't eat anything there." 

So, I figured I'd take one for the team - go to Cheesecake Factory and see what I could possibly eat - and spend some quality time with my son.  I figured I would have to ask them to steam some veggies for me, or whip up some kind of fruit plate, but I was pleasantly surprised - they had fresh made guacomole (which meant all veggies, no preservatives or additivies).

I was able to stick with my commitment to God to forego any delectable delight (although my son tried to tempt me with a bite of his red velvet cheesecake).  And as an added bonus - I demonstrated to my son what it means to commit your life, and your inconveniences, to God...and stick to it.

Just so you know, I am praying fervently that my son doesn't want to try another restaurant in the next 19 days because I'm afraid I won't be as strong! Lord, hear my prayer.

21 Day Fast

Today begins a 21 Day Fast.  Our senior pastor, Craig Groeschel of LifeChurch.tv, called the church to begin a 21 day fast.  (I've actually heard from several people at different churches that their pastors are also calling for a fast - I absolutely LOVE how God brings the church together.)  As I begin this journey, one of my goals is to begin writing more consistently - so here it goes.

This morning, I read Day 1 of the 21 Day Fast Reading Plan on YouVersion.com.  As part of the reading, it suggested that I write what specific clarity or vision I desire from God during this journey.  As I began to write, I realized how inconvenient this fast is for me, and how I'd really rather not give up cheese and butter, even if it's for God and His church.

Once I got past my selfishness, I began to journal the areas where I'm seeking God's clarity.  This list was long.  So very long.  You see, if I were truly seeking God with all my heart, mind, and passion daily - if I truly give everything to God and give up my own conveniences - the way He desires - daily - then maybe the list would say something like "World Peace," or "For Jesus to come and Rapture His Church."  But, I'm a flawed human being, a selfish sinner...and so my list is long.

Today, I will focus on being inconvenienced for God - the author and finisher of my faith - my provider - my counselor - my Father - my Creator.  And I will pray over my long list, and pray that He looks down on this selfish sin-filled human being and gives me strength and determination to focus on Him and not on my inconveniences.