Messed Up

I am totally messed up today!  Life is spiraling around me faster than ever, and yet I feel like I'm moving in slow motion.  I just read an article on Messy Canvas titled "Tired of Being a Christian," and it resonated strongly in my mind and heart.  Here's the link to the article:  Messy Canvas.

Lately, I've struggled with expectations...expectations of those in authority over me, of friends, of coworkers, of family...but mostly expectations that I impose on myself.  I've expected myself to be a "leader of leaders," to be the "strong one," and to be the one that "has it all together."  But truth is...I'm failing.  And failure is painful.

As I read Messy Canvas' article, I realize that maybe the only failure is that the expectations are misguided.  While I expect myself to be a "leader of leaders," is that what God expects of me?  Does He expect me to be the strong one?  Does He expect me to have it all together?  I'm realizing that those expectations, those qualities, are actually qualities of God himself!  And who am I to think I can be God?

I've realized that while it's honorable to be a "leader of leaders," God has actually called me, at this season of time, to be a "leader of doers."  There is much work to be done, and it seems He has skilled me to not only get it done, but empower those around me to engage in the work of His Kingdom as well. 

While it's honorable to be the strong one, He is showing me that it is His strength, not my own.

While it's honorable to have it all together, I am only one part of the Body of Christ, and without Him and without the others that make up the body, it is impossible to be "all together."

He is calling me to reflect Him, not to BE Him.  By trying to live up to any expectations other than those that God has imposed, I am essentially trying to be God.

And...I...am...not...God!

So, I think I'm going to remove the word Pastor from my title, and change it to Doer.  Doer of God's work..whatever that looks like, whoever that impacts, however that expands His Kingdom.  So don't expect much from me...but expect much from God in me.

40 Year Plan

As mentioned in my last (somewhat poorly written) post (I don't promise this one will be any better), I've always been fascinated with law.  After flirting with court reporting, I eventually became a legal assistant - working in franchise law, securities and eventually contracts.  Thinking about the legal impact of decisions has always been a knack...some might call it a sickness - depends upon your opinion of law practice.

So, I devised my "40 year plan."  Being a legal assistant wasn't enough - I wanted to be an attorney (commence eye rolling and attorney jokes now)!  And my goal was to become a lawyer by the time I turned 40.  Well...that was MY plan anyway.

I attended University of Oklahoma, and then University of Phoenix, dropping credits into the bucket that was to become my undergraduate degree - with my eyes set on University of Tulsa for my law degree.  It seemed like it was nearly impossible, with many years of school to make up for, but I was determined.

Then, one day, my entire plan was derailed.  My dreams were dashed.  Several factors entered into my decision to leave school (which is between me and my future highly-paid therapist).  I was destined to live my life with people asking me "Where did you get your degree," and my sad little answer being "Well, I went to OU..." knowing in my heart that I could never answer "I received my undergrad from OU and my JD from TU."

Don't you feel sorry for me?  (Ok, I know, not really.)  Now the good part.  Romans 8:28 says: 

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." 

God lead me into one of the most amazing places - His Kingdom!

Now that I wasn't attending class and studying, I had extra time on my hands.  What to do...what to do?  Well...maybe I'll start volunteering in the youth program at church.  I mean, that place is a hotbed of liability issues - they could sure use someone to enforce the rules!  I had absolutely no idea what God was going to do, and where He was going to lead me in my 40 year plan! 

He called me according to His purpose and has filled me more than I could ever have imagined - and it all happened when I turned 40.  Stay tuned...

Court Reporter

So...awhile back I wrote about college and mentioned my stint in court reporting school.  I thought I'd explain a bit - let you in on a little "Robyn History."

My last year in high school, I took all business classes, was Vice President of Future Business Leaders of America, and was even awarded the Best Business Student of theYear award.  I took all of this with a grain of salt - in fact, I wasn't even going to go to the awards ceremony.  I was scheduled to work at Shakey's Pizza Parlor the night of the ceremony, so I didn't even think twice...that is until my school called my mom wondering why I wasn't going to be there to accept the award, she then called my work, and next thing I know I'm putting on a dress and sitting up on stage. 

So, my senior the high school counselor died tragically.  As a high school kid, this seemed to have little impact on me.  I mean, I'd never actually met the counselor (I was never in trouble, was a good student, and felt there wasn't a need).  But I now realize how this changed my life withouth even knowing it.  Of course, the school system assigned us a new counselor, she called me in and asked me my plans for college.  I looked at her with glazed eyes and said "I don't know.  My parents can't afford college."  That was pretty much the end of that.

One day, in one of my business classes, a man came in from a local court reporting trade school.  He explained how we could make a ton of money while sitting in a courtroom reporting all that's being said.  Sounds easy enough...I'm in!  I have always been intrigued by the law, this is a 2 year school, and sounds tons easier than the 8 years it would take to become a lawyer.  Sign me up! 

Now, how am I going to pay for it?  Turns out, my parents made too much money for me to get financial assistance. I was left to fend for myself, and as we learned earlier, I tend to take the path of least resistance.  So, I registered for school, signed a promissory note and began making payments of $150/ month...at 18% interest!  I was officially a student of court reporting school.

Moving right along...the court reporting itself was easy for me.  I was an fast typist (110 wpm on an old-fashioned typewriter), and had taken 3rd place at State for Shorthand (yep, another fascinating tidbit of info), so using this crazy machine came easy.  The classes were a little more difficult - I actually had to study.  But, one by one, I managed to get through them.  Then, about a year and a half into it...I realized something huge.  I have a PERSONALITY!  Court reporters (in my twisted thoughts at the time) don't have personalities, they just sit, take down the words and go home.  They never get to talk, never get to ask questions, and have to bow down to the whims of the judge and attorneys.  Forget that...I can no longer keep my mouth shut.  So, I quit.  Yep, about 3 months from graduating, I quit.

Disclaimer:  Court reports DO have personalities, and are valuable not only in the field of law, but also for closed captioning - I just don't have the personality to be a court reporter.

Where does this story go?  What's the moral, you ask?  Not much...just historical.  Although there are two tidbits you can take away:  (1) Don't let a "no" stop you from changing your future like I did when we didn't get financial help for college - I'm certain there were ways to get it funded, I just didn't pursue them fully enough; and (2) Never sign a promissory note for 18% interest - you'll be paying on it for years to come.

Oh...and if you need to know what a typewriter was, you can google "ancient artifacts from the mid to late 1900's."

"New" Computer

Freedom!  Freedom is here!  Okay, I already had freedom through my savior, Jesus Christ, but I just recently received a gift that returned a freedom to me that I'd forgotten.

One our our AMAZING volunteers purchased a new computer and was looking for someone to give her old computer to.  When I was asked upon whom could she bestow this incredible gift, I sheepishly said "me."  Sheepishly, because I really don't like asking for things - I mean, I'm sure there's someone who needs it more than me, right?  Well, truth is, for 2+ years I've been using my work laptop for all my computing needs (for which I am EXTREMELY grateful).  This means that my high schooler can only use a computer for homework after I get home (which is sometimes quite late).  It also means that I can't download any software to the laptop for personal use.  Oh the horror!  So, I could really use a computer at home.

So, I accepted the gift with a huge amount of gratitude (although I did snoop around and see if there's anyone else that needed it more than me first)! 

Now, Josh is able to do his homework whenever he's home (thus taking away one more excuse for procrastinating).  And...here's the freedom...I'm able to use Quicken to balance my checkbook!  Yes, this is HUGE!  For 2+ years I've been semi-balancing the old-fashioned way, with varying degrees of success.  But today, I balanced the checkbook to my online account, scheduled transactions, and know to-the-penny how much money I will have once all of my bills have cleared.  Hallelujah!

Too bad this beautiful shiny computin' machine can't make those who owe me money pay up, so that my checkbook register looks more black than red.  Maybe someday...

College, Already?

My son Josh is a senior this year and we are working towards college. How did that even happen? I can hear my mom saying "they grow up so fast," and she was right.  Of course, there have been bumps along the road, but only minor speed bumps.  Thanks be to God Himself that we haven't hit any man-swallowing potholes on this journey so far.

I spent much of my Labor Day morning researching college admission requirements, ACT dates and fees, grants, scholarships, etc. etc. etc.  To say it is overwhelming is an understatement...how in the world is a senior supposed to figure all of this stuff out if his 40-something mom got overwhelmed?  But I am determined to give Josh all of the help I can to make sure nothing stops him from going to college.

From the time he was an infant, I have never "let on" that Josh even has a choice in the matter of college.  It's just been an expectation.  Although I do have some college under my belt, and a certificate in paralegal studies, I definitely took an alternate route to education, which I regret.  I was expected to figure out my path beyond high school by myself, and I chose one of the easiest paths offered to me...working and going to trade school to become a court reporter.  (Now, that's another story I'll have to write sometime.) As parents, we never want our children to repeat our mistakes.

So far, my manipulation...I mean prompting...is paying off.  Josh wants to go to Oklahoma State University, and has told me more than once that he wants to make sure he sticks with it to get a degree.  Many of the guys he hangs out with took a year off, or decided just to work straight out of high school, and Josh sees how hard their road is already. 

I truly thank God that He has placed this desire in Josh's heart, and has made the path thus far pretty manageable.  Obviously, I pray continually that Josh has a heart for God and for His people, that his path is straight, and that it be free from man-swallowing potholes.

Any tips out there to help in maneuvering all of the college grants, scholarships, admissions, yada yada yada?

Hot Pursuit

I was reading in 1 Samuel 14 about Israelites who had been hiding in the hill country joined a battle against the Philistines. Now, stories of Israelites against Philistines are often told throughout the Old Testament, but this account caught my eye because of two simple words – “hot pursuit.” I was using the online Bible application http://www.youversion.com/, and I just had to pull out my old fashioned paper Bible to make sure that the translation was correct. Sure enough, my NIV said in 1 Samuel 14:22:

“When all the Israelites who had hidden in the hill country of Ephraim heard that the Philistines were on the run, they joined the battle in hot pursuit.”

I’m not exactly sure why, but the words “hot pursuit” made me chuckle. I expect to hear these words on an episode of Cops, or in a movie where the police are pursuing a band of criminals, but not in my Bible. It made me wonder – what did “hot pursuit” look like for the Israelites? Were they running as fast as they could, in full armor, wielding their swords above their heads? Were they on horseback, charging with swords and spears aimed forward? Was there someone in the group yelling a play-by-play back to the dispatch messenger “We’re running through Shrub Hill, into Grass Valley. Now we’re turning towards Rock Canyon and Adam 12 is in front putting out the spike strips to slow the Philistine horses.”

I digress – big time.

In this particular story, God had caused the Philistine army to become confused so that Israel would be successful in their battle with the Philistines. The next verse recounts Israel’s victory:

“So the Lord rescued Israel that day, and the battle moved on beyond Beth Aven.” 1 Samuel 14:23.

Because the Israelites were faithful in listening to and waiting for God, they defeated the Philistine army on this day. Their “hot pursuit” was after the Philistines, but before they launched their attack, they sought God and His direction – in essence, they pursued Him, and God not only met them, but laid a path for them to follow.

Those two crazy words – hot pursuit – really made me ask the question of myself “Towards what am I in Hot Pursuit?” What is it that I’m chasing after with such veracity that it can be called pursuit? And am I leading an army of people to do the same?

You can ask yourselves these same questions. Pursue after God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength and He will create in you a Hot Pursuit.

Football? Really? A Leader Lesson.

I'm not a big sports fan - anyone who knows me very well knows this to be true. But as football season gets under way, and I'm surrounded by serious college football fans (I hear the appropriate color to wear is orange, although I prefer crimson), my mind doesn't turn to the teams, games, or statistics. Instead, because I tend to focus on individual people and how they best fit within a group, my mind turns to the players and their coaches.


So here's my question - What is the difference between a good coach and a great coach?
Of course there are many things that separate good coaches and leaders from mediocre ones…understanding the fundamentals, experience, resources…but one thing stands out to me. What is their focus? Is their focus solely on winning the game? Or is it on getting the best out of each and every player for the game at hand and for the future?

Teams are generally measured on wins and losses – how many games have they won or lost during a season. But there’s another measurement that I think we fail to recognize. How many players have gone on to be successful on other teams or even in business?

Many players begin playing their particular sport as children. Some have obvious talent and will rise through the ranks because of that sheer talent. But some may not have talent that is obvious to the untrained observer. For those players to be successful, they will have to have the heart and passion to stick with the game, and will have to have a coach who can see inside of them – see that the talent is there just waiting for someone to bring it out. Anyone can coach a team full of extremely talented players – you know the kind, they were born with a bat in their hand, or were swishing 3-pointers at age 12. But a true leader takes the kid who picks daisies in the outfield during the game and capitalizes on their heart and passion, and pulls that star-outfielder talent out of them.

Great coaches and leaders not only generate success out of a player while they are on their team, but they also send them out to continue in success either on other teams or in other realms. Great college coaches send numerous players into the pros. Great professional coaches send players out into successful business once their sports career has ended.

Great leaders send their team members out to lead others.

Whether you’re leading a team of volunteers, or a team of people in your business, who have you sent out lately? Who has left the ranks of your team to become leaders of another team? Who have you turned out that has become successful in other areas?

Focus on cultivating successful players – focus on the person themselves, finding their talent and developing it – and you’ll have a successful team and win the game.

Under Construction

I always marvel at construction sites. My stepdad spent his life in construction and built numerous silos that are standing strong throughout the Golden, Colorado valley. Not only did my stepdad construct for a living, there was always a project going on at the house – usually involving concrete. Dad was in his element when he had a concrete pumper truck pulling up to the curb. My sister and I learned how to prepare the work site, set forms, lay rebar, and pour and cure concrete, all before we were teens.


To this day, I tend to be drawn to anything concrete – my dream home would be patterned shades of gray cement on the exterior and polished stained concrete floors throughout. You could say my stepdad created in us a sound foundation for understanding and admiring quality construction.

While my stepdad was teaching us about structures, my family was also laying another foundation – belief in Jesus Christ. They taught us that Jesus Christ was the son of God, born of a virgin, crucified and raised from the dead. They instilled in us that through His blood, our sins were forgiven. They shared with us not only the good news, but the fear of God because of sin. They laid the foundation.

We were “church bus” kids through our early years. We attended a larger Baptist church in the area, riding the bus each Sunday with the other kids whose parents preferred to sleep in. We would attend Sunday School, then go on to children’s church, then usually meet our parents after church for the ride home. Statistics show that we were like the majority of Christians – attend church on Sunday, go on with normal life Monday through Saturday. We believed in Jesus, but we only visited him at church, and didn’t cultivate our relationship with Him during the week.

Is that a problem? I mean, I go to church on Sundays to visit – just like going to Grandma’s house for a week in the summer. I still love you and you love me, right?

Construction doesn't end after the foundation is laid - it continues until the building is completely finished.

“Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it? For if you lay the foundation and are not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule you, saying, “This person began to build and wasn’t able to finish.”  Luke 14:28-30.

Learning about, and then accepting Jesus Christ is like laying the foundation to the most amazing building ever built.  To finish the building, you must continue to work, developing your relationship with Christ.  He will provide the blueprints, the tools and the materials.  You just have to show up and do the work.  At the end, you will witness the most incredible construciton imagineable - a life filled with the beauty that is Jesus Christ.

So what are you waiting for?  Do you need to start the foundation now?  Then call on Jesus Christ and ask Him to become your personal savior.  Is your foundation already laid, then seek after Him with all your heart, mind, soul and strength and get ready for the most luxurious life imaginable - a life of service to the one and only true living God!

Book of Eli

I recently saw the Movie Book of Eli. First, I recommend this movie to everyone - although it is a bit violent (what movie isn't these days - not excusing, just the truth), it has a tremendous message.

I won't spoil the movie for you - just want to challenge you (and myself) into thinking...how far would you go for something you believe in? How many obstacles would you face, years would you devote, miles would you walk? Do you believe in God enough to make Him and His calling your entire life?

Check the movie and you'll see what I mean. See if you don't walk out of the theatre challenged to seek out His calling for your life, and follow it no matter what the cost.

It Takes All

It surely has been awhile since I've written - I'm surprised Blogspot hasn't deleted me. I shared a "word" with our Host Team at LifeChurch.tv Owasso today, and was inspired to share it here as well. Here goes:

I was reading Nehemiah 13 this morning and it reminded me how it takes all of us to fulfill God’s purpose. Nehemiah was called by God to rebuild the wall of Jerusalem, and he assembled many people to complete the task. In Chapter 13, the Bible accounts for who rebuilt different sections. It gives a beautiful (although sometimes tedious) description of how one group repaired one section, and then next to them was another group responsible for another section.
To build the wall, it took many people, each with their appointed task, working next to and hand-in-hand with each other. This is the same philosophy used in building a church and in filling God’s Kingdom. We each do our part, our neighbor and friend does their part, then next thing you know, the wall goes up! What an awesome visualization!

Times are very strange lately - odd weather patterns, economic downturns, catastrophic earthquakes. Time is shorter today than it was yesterday for us to step up and do whatever it is God is calling us to do. Have you been assigned to a section of the wall? Are you doing your part? Seek God - ask Him what he would have you do. I hope that it's standing next to me in my section of the wall!