Varying Shades of Blue

Lately I've been quite "blue." I use "blue" because I do not like the word "depressed." Society has told me that depression is ugly and not acceptable. So, I choose the word "blue" instead - it has a bit of whimsy while still stating my general emotional state. 

I've faced some crazy health challenges. On the outside (other than bags under my eyes, a few extra pounds, a slower-than-normal walk and an affinity towards sweat pants for comfort), I appear fine. According to the world, normal. But inside, I carry around a bit of a surprise - auto-immune disorders that affect the way my body feels and reacts, as well as the mind games that result in a state of blueness.

How I appear on the outside and feel on the inside are not compatible. Since my outward appearance is one of a fairly typical mid-western mom fast (too fast) approaching 50, I believe there are certain societal expectations. Work hard, play hard - no limits - Just Do It - expectations that I have strived desperately to meet over the years, but are not currently within my grasp. And so, the ever-lovin' mind games.

I want desperately to be that woman again - to stop the incongruence between the outward and the inward me. 

But that is not what God sees.  He doesn't see incompatibility - He sees complete harmony. He created me to be the best "me" I can be. He reminds me I am His creation and in His eyes, I am perfect. Inside and outside, I meet His expectations. 

God's disciples throughout history did not meet societal norms. They were not put on this earth for that purpose. And neither were you or I. 

"Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." Gal 1:10 NIV

The "mind games" are because I give credence to what I believe society requires. I am my own worst emotional enemy. What I desire most is to serve God so that when I see Him face to face, He says "well done, good and faithful servant."

I will not give in to "blue." It may take longer, and look different than ever before, but I will work hard, play hard, with what God has given me. I will run the race in a divine manner, and my marathon medal will prayerfully be earned in Heaven.

What about you? Are you worried about what others see? Worried that you can't meet the requirements of those around you? You are perfect to God! Join me and stop worrying about what others think and lets become TRUE servants of Christ.

But if you see me taking a nap, don't worry - I'm just resting up for the next leg of the race!